For years I lived my life in a constant state of doing, sometimes literally running from myself.
From abusing drugs and alcohol when I was younger, to over training in the gym. I was reluctant to slow down, for it would mean I may have to face the chaos that was spinning around inside of me. It was easier for me to grab my road bike and ride 35 miles than to sit quiet with my mind’s chatter. Or even better, I could go to the gym twice a day to build up my body’s armor so no one could get close to my heart.
When I think back to those times, it is very clear to me that I was in deep pain. I didn’t have the self awareness to see my habitual patterns that were causing me to remain stuck. I would always justify my means of escape as if what I was doing was normal. As if chasing around attractive woman for the sole purpose of sex, or numbing out by over eating and then going to the gym to get “jacked” was normal. These were just a few of my habitual patterns that I would do so I wouldn’t have to feel the feelings.
How many people are out there in the world on the merry-go-round of “doing” without really being present for themselves? As human beings we have the tendency to push away what is unpleasant and grasp for what feels good. You might ask yourself. “What is the problem with that?” The problem is, it sets us up to condition ourselves in such a way that leads to suffering. Unpleasantness and pain are part of life, wishing things to be different is what causes us to suffer.
Shifting from “doing” to “being” requires us to lean into the painful parts of ourselves that are not so easy for us to face. I mean really, who can we befriend if we cannot learn to befriend ourselves first? We can start this relationship with ourselves by taking time to sit in stillness. Allowing ourselves to drop into the present moment with a sense openness and curiosity. As we sit mindfully we can allow our thoughts, feelings and sensations to just be as they are. Holding everything in awareness without judgment or needing to change anything.
Many of us are so wrapped up in seeking comfort and security from the external world that we forget the peace and stillness we are looking for is right inside our very own being. There is no where to run to. With the slightest shift of our attention we can go back home to ourselves. Making peace with the person we are in this very moment without having to create another means of escape.
Wherever you may be in life, can you open yourself up to the present moment and meet life exactly where you are? Allowing the space of being to seep deep into your consciousness and free you from having to “DO” and just “BE”?
How much suffering does one person need to shift their mindset and lifestyle to begin the healing process on all levels; physically, mentally and spiritually?
I know for myself, I needed the whole framework of my existence to collapse to make way for a foundation to be laid and built upon.
For many years I was consumed with trying to “make it” in the world. Never stopping or slowing down enough to see the beauty that was always around me. Internalizing my tremendously dysfunctional traumatic childhood had led to an eruption of Irritable Bowel Disease and a host of other symptoms. I was suffering both physically and mentally and desperately trying to hold it all together.
I believe the pain and suffering we experience in life are as equally important as the love and the joy. Paradoxically, I have touched the deepest moments of joy, peace, and love while going through the darkest times in my life. Suffering on any level is an invitation for us to wake up. To stop, get curious and go within. A time to check in with ourselves and see what it is that we truly need. Without going inside ourselves for the answerers we are likely to perpetuate the conditioned response of seeking comfort from the external world. I know this first hand, I tried it for years with little success.
Choosing to go within oneself for the answers is an act of courage. Shining the light of awareness on every little deep dark crevice of your being is not the most pleasurable of experiences, nor is it at the top of most people’s priority list. When the pain inside was greater than the fear of looking, I took a glance. For months I meditated in solitude. Sometimes retreating to the woods to escape the stimulation of the inhabited outside world. There, I had a realization that would forever change how I see the world. The mental construct of “me” had vanished and I had become one with all. There was no duality, you or me, “I” was everything! “I” was the bird migrating, “I” was the acorn that cracked and burst into a ninety-foot oak tree, there was no separation, just pure conscious awareness.
The old framework that supported my various belief systems and the sense of “self” had disintegrated. It was like being reborn and seeing the world for the first time. The habitual thinking of the past was no longer present. The fear and anxiety of the future was gone and I was living deeply in the present moment. Knowing in the depths of my being that everything leading up to this moment was of divine perfection.
Can we look within and realize the answers we are searching for are already inside of us? When we sift through the soil of our being, to unearth the gems that are waiting to be discovered, we will find we are whole and complete just the way we are.
Thank you for taking the time to stop by my website to check out the blog! I’m super excited but also a bit nervous to launch my website and social media platforms to the public. I’m feeling the feelings and doing it anyway! My intention for Breath by Breath Wellness is to help assist people in transforming their lives through holistic principles and the mind-body connection. I feel very grateful for all of life’s experiences, especially the difficult ones which have made room for something greater to be birthed from within me. Please feel free to sign up for my blog and newsletter and also follow me on social media. If you have any questions or are interested in my services please email me. I look forward to connecting with you!